Ginger binger

Gingerbread, home baking, being 10 years old, uncooked dough, then cooked and cooled, soft sweet spicy, taste, aroma. Shaped as stars, circles, squares, and person like. Run run run as fast as you can, you cant catch me I’m the ginger bread man. The gingerbread man he is fast, faster than I can run run. Starbucks Gingerbread Frappuccino, you are so hot right now, hotter than the sun sun. But actually cool, refresh me. How are you possible?! Astonishment, fades to anticipation, melts to taste. Liquid refreshment, ray of heaven. Gotta ask myself the question ‘where am I now’? Starbucks ginger of the bread, running through my head. Running running as fast as you can, will I ever catch you again, ginger frappu bread man? I love you, you gave me joy. A few days ago I never new of you and now I see you all the places I go. I think of you with my brain, I think of that day that moment. A flash, five minutes start till finish, or was it ten? time blurs it goes fast, run run run. Well somebody told me that you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend. All I see is you and ginger and bread. $4.95, four days in Africa five minutes in Dunedin, on a couch, but I stayed longer with a friend with the long black $3.30. Ginger linger, stay, the memory lasts. I know you I think of you. Talking with friends and I think of you. Cheap Asian dinner and I think of you. At church and I think of you. On my bike and I think of youuuuuuuuuuu. Dearest cream coated, plastic cup contained, straw consumed Ginger binger frappuccino. What was you is me now.

At my signal, unleash hell

JUSTIN:[after swiftly dispatching another gladiator]
Are you not entertained! Are you not entertained! Is this not why you are here?!
CROWD: Justin! Justin! Justin!...

You scored as Maximus. After his family was murdered by the evil emperor Commodus, the great Roman general Maximus went into hiding to avoid Commodus's assassins. He became a gladiator, hoping to dominate the colosseum in order to one day get the chance of killing Commodus. Maximus is valiant, courageous, and dedicated. He wants nothing more than the chance to avenge his family, but his temper often gets the better of him. Maximus 54% Lara Croft 54% Neo, the "One" 54% Batman, the Dark Knight 50% Indiana Jones 50% Captain Jack Sparrow 42% The Amazing Spider-Man 42% James Bond, Agent 007 38% William Wallace 33% The Terminator 29% El Zorro 25% Which Action Hero Would You Be?

Yeah right, I dont know how that happened. But one thing I do know is that...
what we do in this life echoes in eternity.

The Great Bloggera

Its been a month and 5 days since I entered The Great Bloggera.

Prologue
Ah that first post on the 19th October 2005 (year of the rooster). I think I started because Joe Morris had been reading peoples blogs and he said it was cool, so I read some. It wasn’t the first time I had herd of blogs, I knew Sam had one. I though I’ll just read and comment, but Jared’s blog wouldn’t let me comment without joining up, so I had to! UnnnnBelievable! By then the darkness had taken me in so I though well at least I should write one blog cause I dont want to look barren, but then it was another and another. It would have been nice if I had someone trying to get me to start one, but oh well I got lots of encouragement after I started.

Scene 1: Phantom of the Bloggera
I was reading a few retro blog posts a week or so ago, It was funny seeing the different mindsets people started off with when they first blogged. There were many similarities to how I felt and some differences. For example It seems almost everyone starts off their first blog saying something along the lines of ‘I never though it would come to this! I don’t know why I am doing this, but someone else reckons I should, but no commitment, no commitment! I might want to stop blogging and if I do I have said it now, so no commitment!’. I was never the type who had made some solemn vow to remain pure of all things blogging, but there was a part of me that wanted to resist. On my first post not wanting to commit I said “I dont know how much I will ever update this”, turns out I have about every 2-3 days, not as prolific as some (cough Abby cough) but not too bad, well that’s what an alien told me so I am happy with that. One funny thing when I started was I had this idea that I could keep my blog secrete, like have this commentary on my life and the whole world etc and have the sneaky satisfaction that I’m the only one who knows about it. Then I could also be like a phantom and just comment on other peoples blogs, and they would all be like oooooh who is the phantom with all the wisdom, and I would be like The phantom of the bloggera. And then I would find one young lass, take her under my wing and train her in the art of the bloggera, until she blossomed into the most beautiful bogger the bloggera has ever seen, then I would fall tragically in love with her. But The phantom of the bloggera is dead because I deiced there was more to gain from exposures. And you shall see my scar. At the time it wasn’t quite as dramatic as that but it was pretty much the same story. Interestingly whilst retro blogging I found my crazy idea of secrete was not so uncommon, with Carmi also expressing that she wanted to keep the publicity low in the begining, and Sam who actually never told anyone about his for like a week or so (scroll to the bottom of this, it is funny). How may phantoms are there right now? Revel thy self and thy scar!

Interlude: To be and To comment
Since the beginning the bloggera has been an experience! I have thought about my blog and spent way too much time writing these things and reading others. Grateful I am for the positive feed back through comments and just bumping into people who are like ‘I read your blog, it was funny’. The best complement was when some told me it helped them laugh when they were stressed from studying for exams all day, and they really need to laugh at that time. Yay making a difference with humor (which I sometimes forget about, see scene 2). So thanks for the support people, I’d like to think I would keep going if I never got any comments, but it definitely is one of the cool parts of blogging.

Behind the Scenes: Directors Commentary
Man it is so weird the strategies I think of when blogging, actually its kind of funny. Like how I remember thinking I have to start of with a bang! So I can get everyone’s attention, because they all have millions of other blogs and things to do. The Napoleon Dynamite story was the one for the job. By the way I went back to New World and saw him again – with witnesses Joseph Morris, Scott Cappie, and Matt Poynton. It is interesting I wonder how other people write their blogs. For me it is a longer process than I was expecting, It pretty much turns into writing an essay, and I end up proof reading it and changing things to make it sound better. I wish I could say it all came out just right but oh well you know the truth now. But sometimes I don’t proof read and its bad, sorry BibianA :). Another thing is my posts almost always take on some life of their own and are nothing like what I was planning to write about. Gosh I never knew I could be such a drama queen!

Scene 2: Tales of Trauma
Two of the worries I have had about blogging is one running out of creativity and interesting things to say, and two that how I come across on my blog is not what I am in real person. Interestingly both of these worries were identified by others, which actually annoyed me. Gosh don’t be so freakin insightful! Your face is a tall poppy! Another worry is people only thinking of me as funny, can’t you see I’m so much more? Though really it’s not so big a deal (see interlude). Oh and another worry was that I started neglecting to do lab work and procrastinating more, though I cant blame that all on the bloggera, and I have been working on it. One disappointment is a few people that I am close to not being interested enough to read my blog. But I understand cause it was never my habit to read anyone’s blog till now, still I wish they would.

Final Scene: To Blog before Heaven
Something about blogging that has surprised me is how effective it is at making me feel closer to people. It is amazing how much more a part of your lives (people with blogs) I feel because I am reading about what you are doing, thinking, feeling, fighting and hoping for! Its been really awesome and encouraging and inspiring in that respect. I also like the fact that it is keeping in contact with people who are not in Dunedin anymore. Like saying farewell to Dave P yesterday, he said ‘Im not sure when Ill see you again’ and I was like ‘oh true’ and he said ‘if not soon, it will be in heaven’, which is quite frankly a bit far off, then I realised hey I will be reading your blog, not as good as David in person but oh yes still staying connected.

Encore: A Whole New World
The bloggera is like A magic carpet ride, a whole new world, a new fantastic point of view. I am looking forward to doing a one year review 19th October 2006 (year of the dog). What wonderful lives you all are sharing with me and I with you.

Blip in the day via gel complications

This day started off so well. I sleept in, well it felt like I was because it was 10.15am before I got up, but I was reading for about half an hour before that and I went to bed late so 8ish hours of sleep and a sleep-in all at the same time… sometimes I impress even myself with my efficiency. Had breakfast, my flaties were up plus BibianA had walked over which was cool cause breakfast is usually a lonely affair. I watched (I mean danced with) the black eyed peas on the NZ top 40 countdown, no no no baby no no no don’t lieeeeeeeeeeeee. I spent some time focused on God. I biked into uni already to get into part of an experiment I had planned for today, I felt so relaxed.

This day just went retarded, why? So I got right into my experiment (resisting the temptation to blog first). But then I messed it up, I was making an SDS poly acrylamide gel, which is made in two layers, I did the first layer yesterday and the second today, but I put it in the fridge before the gel had set and it ended up not setting properly!!! So strange, well I thought it would have helped but I wont do that again. I had to pull it all apart and re-do it all over again, including what I did yesterday. Oh well its not really that hard, just takes another 2hrs and puts me a day behind but I can catch up tomorrow cause I have some free time then. But then the ‘not really that hard’ turned into a super lam0 mess. I didn’t set up the equipment properly and I had liquid gel running out all over my bench and me frantically trying to fix the problem before it all started to solidify. Oh it was a gel nightmare of medium proportions, the picture shows the remains of what was to be 4 beautiful SDS PAGE gels but alas they never shall have the chance to shine in the full glory of there potential. Anyway lets not get all down about it, Im not.


In other news this is the one month anniversary of this blog. I don’t have time right now, but I will bring you a post in the near future that shall be an in-depth and reflective analysis of my blogging experience. Be afraid.

This day shall revert to how it started. Now it is off to coffee with Scott and maybe Batman tonight, depending on the whim of one Daniel Joe.

Being structured

Here is my plan for yesterday: How on to it organised and spiritual am I!!! Before you get all wowed by my incredible skills (which may be hard for some, cause we all know chicks like guys with skills). This is not the normal Justin Alexander Timothy Andrew Shields. Imagine 3 middle names, sounds rather intimidating, but two of those middle names just do not belong there, ohh game - who can guess the real one? hang on way of topic now. Yeah so Im trying to be organised. I had a bit of a revelation earlier in the week, I am someone who works better under structure. This whole year doing my masters research, without assignments or lectures has left me blowing with the times... Im a leaf in the wind, watch how I soar... but not so gracefully. So funny how its November and I realise now that I need to make my own structure. I think it really dawned on me cause I had an extra rough patch of procrastination and aimless meandering. Actually ever since starting this blog procrastination has soared to new levels. Maybe I had to go that low to really learn my lesson. Because previously i was somewhere loosely in between organised and not, I would plan stuff a bit but never realised how important it was to how efficiently I work. Any way I am putting more structure into my days and it has been goooood. Plus committing my plans to god, and including him in it all throughout the day has also been gooood - thus reason for Prov 16:3 as seen in the picture. Respect to anyone who can actually understand my plan, probably you wont cause its mostly lab stuff and a bit messy. And I realise how having a detailed plan like the one I have shown probably just stresses some people out but for me it is relaxing and helps me at least know what I need to do, even if I don’t stick to it rigidly… which I don’t.

Curse of the OVR

So here I am and there you are. Does anyone have the same problem as me? No not that one... nor that, or that... no no no. Like when you are in word, as in the Microsoft word not the holy word. So your there and I’m not sure how it happens but BAM your typing over stuff and you don’t want to, you really don’t want to, but alas you are! And it doesn’t feel good, it feels wrooong, it looks wrong, sounds wrong, tastes wrong... is wrooong. Out of nowhere it appears and you don’t want to believe that it is happening to you, yet it is happening and you just cant not believe what is happening to you. If you did then you would be wrong, and you cant let the wrong win. Yes its wrong what is happening but if you also become wrong then you are no better than the wrooong, and all it represents, stands for, and represents. The happening of the wrooong is like a miracle, that happens and you just cant deny that its happening, like a healing or a miracle. Kind of just miraculous, like how it would feel to get a heal-ing, but in a bad way. Your are typing over your own words, the ones that are of your own kind, they came from within you, once they flowed strong like the mighty Waikato river and now you are destroying them and all they represent, stand for and represent, its like you are destroying them. Its your fault that they are disappearing, its all your fat fault! Some how, some way, you did something you messed up, flipped the switch, pulled the lever, pressed the button, dialed the number, cracked the code, triggered the trigger, made the signal, lit the torch, nodded your head, gave the all clear, did the thumbs up. Every thing has fallen into palace and the OVR is on! The sadness fills your soul like there is no tomorrow, even though there probably is. SUDDENLY!.... I’m not half the man I used to be, there’s a shadow hanging over me. Its gloomy destruction, its out of control, its like you cant control it, I would go so far as to say... its not under your control! The O.V.R has a mind of its own, bent on world nay... global nay... planetary domination! Dun dun dah!!! It just keeps typing over and over and OVR - coincidence, I think not chum! It just keeps going no matter how many letters and spaces and brackets and numbers and colons and symbols it leaves dead and bloodied along the way. It’s the curse of the OVR, pronounced oww vee are, curse of the O.V.R! sounds like something that would kill a rabbit.

Thriller

This is a true story of my encounter with a smooth criminal, Its been a week and two days since the ordeal.

I was drinking Dilma English breakfast tea. Interestingly I’m not having breakfast and I’m not English, but I do have jam and bread. I’m watching something lame on T.V. knock knock. Was that a knock? I take a while to get to the door, ‘hello’.... hmm no one’s there. Must have just been something on the T.V. Oh well, I walk back down the hallway, I’m all alone, its getting darker outside, not all black, more a black white. All the curtains are wide open in our one story house, not that it usually matters cause the neighbours are too far away to see in.

it's close to midnight and something evil's lurking in the dark

Knock! Knock! I spin round. Our front door has a rugged glass panel, where is the shadow? People knocking at the door, create a shadow effect as they wait for the insider to allow entry. Im the insider I see no shadow effect. No effects of any kind. No outsider. Ay what’s up with that? I Walk back down the hall towards the door, suddenly to my right I glimce just the flash of a white T-shirt, someone dashes past the window.

under the moonlight you see a sight that almost stops your heart

Arggg a punk kid being an egg!!! I probably scared him off. I turn my back on the door, Knock! Knock! I spin, but no shadow. The outsider has not been scared off. The insider is a little scared, confused and annoyed. Maybe it’s not a punk kid. Maybe it’s a man intent on being an insider, though I think he should remain an outsider far far way, Tatooine perhaps. Actually I’d like to go there. Um what should I do? I’m in the hallway I don’t want to move, I don’t want to walk past any windows, don’t want to see the outsider ill probably scream and he’ll know my fear.

you try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it

I think he’s trying to work me up and freak me out before he makes his move - to be an insider! I think he’s trying to see how many people are home. I’m Justin home alone. I’m not dreaming that my parents have forgoten to take me on vacation... twice. He’s doing laps around our house. Sometimes I can hear his footsteps. Should I call the police? Ummm maybe he will just leave. I should get to the phone just-in case. I have to walk into the lounge, there are windows on both sides of the lounge looking in, I am exposed. Exposed.

you start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes
you're paralyzed

I get the phone, I’m in the bathroom. Um what should I do. Maybe he’ll just leave soon. My heart is racing. I trying to close the bathroom window, but quietly. I don’t want him to hear where I am. I’m in the bathroom.

'cause this is thriller, thriller night
and no one's gonna save you from the beast about to strike

He walks past the bathroom window he can’t see in, its that rugged glass again, I see his shadow effect, the gravel sound under his feet. Through the window he is only a meter and a half away, I'm trying to be silent, don't breath. The back door is near the bathroom. He is trying the handle he shakes the door vigorously .

you hear the door slam and realize there's nowhere left to run
you feel the cold hand and wonder if you'll ever see the sun
you close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination,
but all the while you hear the creature creepin' up behind
you're out of time!

I think he is getting more confident, he knows Im alone, he must really mean business, he wants to be an insider he’s testing his options. I should probably call the police, he is not leaving, he’s coming soon. I’m in the bathroom, I step out from the bathroom to call out, ‘CAN I HELP YOU’! No reply, no reply of any kind, there’s a window to my right I am exposed, exposed, then he’s exposed. I’m seen! He SHRIEKS.

Justin are you OK, will you tell us that your OK?
You’ve been hit by you’ve been struck by a smooth criminal

Argggg David Lim you eccentric, chocolate hording, sports mad, Daniel Vettori shouting, phone pranking, Malaysian munter!!!!! Ill get you with the axe next time!

Actually I’ve never been so happy to see David Lim in my life. I open the back door. My voice shakes a bit as I invite him inside. I tell him he freaked me out, he apologises, ‘oh yeah, I guess you’ve never been pranked by me before’ he says!!!! Yeah like that makes it better. I return to my cup of tea, my hands are still shaking. We talk about rugby, fireworks, people leaving Dunedin, and what we are doing for summer. After about 30 minutes he goes home, he has to catch sports cafe, I have a presentation to prepare for.

you know it's thriller, thriller night
you're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller
tonight

The hill called Difficulty

Im reading a book called The Pilgrims Progress by John Bunyan published in 1678. Its a fictional story of a guy called Christian who is on a journey from the city of Destruction to Mount Zion. On his way he encounters many characters and situations that either attempt to help or discourage him from his quest. It is an allegory of the Christian life. The following is from a point in the book where Christian comes to a steep hill, the path he has been told to follow goes straight up, and there are two other paths that lead around the hill, Christian says this as he climbs:

This Hill, though high, I covet to ascend;
The difficulty will not me offend;
For I perceive the way to life lies here;
Come, pluck up, Heart; lets neither faint nor fear :
Better, tho’ difficult, th’right way to go,
Than wrong, though easy, where the end is wo.

Man I love that. I read it last night and have just been going over it, and over it again. It speaks so much encouragement to me where I am right now. In the recent little while and maybe longer I have struggled with a feeling that things should just be a whole lot easier than they are. I mean I shouldn’t have to fight the devil, gosh its hard work, gosh I’m tired of it. Spending time with god shouldn’t be so hard! As you might imagine being in denial about have to fight the devil, or just not wanting to, leaves you open for him to walk all over you. Though I don’t want to fight, he sure does. He doesn’t like it when I spend time with god, feel good about myself, realise gods love, or resist temptation. I don’t like the effort needed to do these things, but they don’t happen spontaneously. Though its hard being a Christian its a hill I want to ascend! For I perceive the way to life lies there. Its better that I realise its hard but its right, rather than be constantly frustrated that its hard.

Lets talk about HPV

I was making a presentation at the 180th meeting of The Otago Medical School Research Society. It was Thursday Nov 3rd, it was 5pm. I was on time. They said be there 5 min early, ‘we want to start on the dot’. I was not 5 min early, I guess I was late. I saw someone I knew, she was sitting too close, front row. I went a few rows back, there were more rows back but I was happy with my place. $500 will be awarded for the best presentation, $250 for runner-up. 13 people applied, based on the abstracts we submitted a month ago 10 of us were selected. Our abstracts will be published in the New Zealand Medical Journal. The chair accidentally said ‘New England Medical Journal’, or was he making a joke? Anyway we laughed as he corrected himself, so did he. I liked him he was a good chair, he was very professional, he introduced us well, had a friendly voice and asked genuine questions about our research. Aaahhhhhhh my research, I have to talk about my research. What if I look like a fool. I’m going to look like a fool. I have 8 minutes, I’m going to go over that! I have so much to say. Look at me Look at me Look at me. Determine to just talk fast. Jesus loves me I tell my self, he thinks I’m cool for even being here, I’m doing his will, Im doing life with the Holy Spirit, lets just remember that I tell my self.

4 min of questions at the end, how nice. Gees I’m scared of the questions, I’m going over them in my, head. They will ask this I’ll say this. There’s only one other male, he’s first, he’s finished, they blasted him with questions. I’m nervous, they are asking hard questions, its like where in the big league now. This aint no unmarked 4th year class talk that I hardly care about, or some Thursday lab meeting where people are relatively nice when they ask you questions. Ask me something you think is easy, I think is hard, so I look dumb now don’t I, to you. Well Jesus loves me, lets just remember that. On the walls there are rather large paintings of prestigious looking men in black and red gowns. How imposing it all feels. Or maybe inspiring. Be all you can. I’m glad to be here, grateful for the experience, worth giving it all a go.

I’m speaker number 8. Justin Shields is the third speaker after the half time break. My half time break is on the toilet. I’m going over my slides. I printed them out just before I came over. I was going to read them instead of listening to the other speakers. Turns out I choose a seat next to a judge, don’t want to get in the bad books. I listen to them all. Someone is talking about Tamoxifen! I’m talking about Tamoxifen! Steal my thunder. The girl after me is talking about Tamoxifen! How hot are we, got our own little in crowd happening right there. They ask her questions about Tamoxifen, hmmm someone could ask me that too, hmmm ok so ill say this.

She’s done I’m up. The tech man asks Mac or PC? Mac. I made a cool animation of Human papillomavirus (that’s HPV - hence blog title) infecting some cells, and the disastrous events that follow. I used a Mac to make it, the PC doesn’t like it. Fair enough I guess. Only two others using the Mac, another in crowd, or was it the same one? I’m using the clip on mic, and a red laser pointer. I introduce my topic, first slide done, click mouse for next slide, ugg the right click menu pops up! click the left button - still ugg, i click the arrow key, or was it the space bar? action. I talk, I’m done, I’m under 8 minutes - how odd I think to myself. They ask questions I mange well. Someone starts his question by saying ‘good talk’, ‘thanks’ I say. No more questions I look to the chair, he releases me, I’m free. Back to my seat, my supervisor gives me congratulations.

Two more students talk. Drinks and nibbles and judges deliberate. Chocolate slice, beer, sushi dipped in soy sauce (another lady simultaneously reached to dip, ahhh I had no time to pull out! I beat her, gosh I felt rude!), sultana slice, sandwich, chocolate slice, chocolate slice. I don’t win I’m not runner up, I must have been third surely!

Fast Eddie

Hi I’m Eddie and I do things Fast
I think fast
I drink my coffee fast
I read fast
Blink fast
I even sleep fast
I’m a pretty fast businessman
That’s me I’m Eddie
Bye

Misunderstood

I dyed my hair almost 5 weeks ago. Its not black. Its Natural Darkest Brown, Its slightly darker than dark brown. Its not black. Its the Longest Lasting Nice’n Easy Colour Ever! Which means i get 6 weeks of truly natural looking colour. Its colour 121A (darkest brown) which is closely related to colour 121 (dark brown). Not black. People think i dyed my hair black. One girl keeps saying im trying to be Asian. Another dude said i was trying to be like him and his mate - both Asian, - both with black hair! It may be the deepest darkest brown you’ll ever see but its not black and im not tying to be Asian. With all this confusion about, I was considering letting it fade faster by not using the patented ColourSeal technology. Which you are supposed to use every two weeks so as to keep your colour looking and feeling fresh for longer. Nobody can handle the darkest brown, so I thought; maybe I should let it go down a shade to standard dark brown. But my hair was falling out and I wanted to revive it, and I wanted to use all the technology I paid for! Even though I used the patented ColourSeal technology I still got a bit of fading. Its not the darkest brown now and is clearly, not black. Its been 5 weeks, cant you tell its not black. Gosh! Maybe ill go black just so people can see I couldnt look Asian if I tried! It would just be Goth. People would then have to re-invent their little colour dictionaries as they see the error of their ways. Yes yes! I say, the error of thy ways. They shall realise how black the black is, and how brown the Natural Darkest Brown, was, is and, will henceforth continue to be.